Pandemic Isolation: Beware The Rise of The Grumpy Old Man

Now usually, in my normal “not trapped inside pandemic state,” I can find the humor in most everything. I’ve always been a pretty easy going guy though admittedly have my share of Pet Peeves and things that annoy me. But today I find, under these stressful times of isolation, these little annoyances have not only been enhanced, but added to! — I’ve literally become, a grumpy old man.

Being holed up in semi-isolation can play on one’s mind. And since I’m pretty close to the age of those most in danger, I’ve been for the most part, pretty adamant in staying put. In doing so, to avoid going totally bonkers, among other things, I read, watch T.V. and peruse the Net in search of interesting reads.

However, as I’m learning, this does nothing to quell my suddenly overactive emotional mentality. Being cooped-up it seems is bringing out the worse in me. Enhancing my negative moods and fueling my anger over my perceptions of right and wrong. And for me, nothing can be more outrageously wrong than trying to profit in times of crisis. — Like the never-ending greedy hands of consumerism always seem to do.

TV COMMERCIALS

I hate the damn things to begin with. Too many, Too long, Too often. It has always incensed me that I am forced to accept them even while paying good money for the networks they’re on. Why do I have to pay for something I don’t want? And all they do is insult my intelligence with their see-through lies and misleading product representations. They’re all the same bullshit attempts to get you to buy, or sign up with or put down your hard earned cash for whatever nonsense their selling.

But lately they’ve taken their publicly unavoidable spiels to new lows. In this time of pandemic, with infection and death rates climbing daily, with our heroic health care workers literally putting their lives on the line day in and day out — the advertising gurus to be, have decided in their uncaring wisdom that its prime time to take advantage of this situation. — They really do make my stomach turn.

Idiot spokespersons, like the funny looking guy on the A & W commercials, who’s only claim to fame is that he looks funny and non-threatening on a television screen — gives this long winded and scripted (and obviously not heartfelt) commentary of thanks to our farmers, truckers, health service workers and on and on and on. Seriously? The A & W guy? The guy who’s job it is to annoy us on commercials selling burgers and fries?

Its such a blatant example of a simple burger brand trying to embolden their status by taking advantage of a real and world wide crisis that has nothing to do with them at all. Its shameful, ugly and turns my stomach in its inhumane attempt for profit while people are dying from a highly contagious virus pandemic. — And this corporate brand is far from the only one doing this!

Attention All! Ford has a Pandemic special just for you. Enjoy 3 months deferred payment while in isolation in fear of catching a super-virus that can kill you! We are doing our part in this time of need by offering blah, blah, blah and blah, blah. Ford — built through wars and natural disasters, built for those who built this country and protect it, built to lend a hand, built to do that right now!

But please do not read the fine print right? You profit seeking advantageous pricks!

But I digress. At least a little. Because almost every product brand out there is jumping on the pandemic bandwagon preaching how heartfelt they are by taking advantage of our hellish nightmare to promote their products or services. Banks included — you know those institutions of billion dollar quarterly profits?

Ya, those bastards!

It seems, they too care about us? Although not enough to temporarily eliminate their nitpicking service charges or fees for, well almost everything! Or give us fair-share of the profits they make off the holdings of our monies? But they do care…

Their multi-millionaire CEO was just on television and he told me so!

AT HOME GRUMPY

I’ll admit, this staying at home thing is making me awful Grumpy! Here at home, everyone (including the cat) are going out of their way to avoid me these days. Can’t really blame them either, even I don’t want to be around me. Moping around aimlessly from room to room, channel surfing endlessly not even consciously aware of the program listings as they fly by in a repeated blur.

And I’m starting to get a little bit worried about my weight too. Let me tell you, purchasing a months worth of groceries at a time, and then having to stay inside with it for days on end is a bad idea. The temptations to snack are relentless. Its not that I’m really hungry, Its more like something to do. Something to keep my mind and my hands busy and my new found grumpiness at bay. Yet eating for happiness, is insanely delusional!

The fridge itself has become a magic portal, its allure of culinary delights stoking my imagination. Opening the fridge door these days is like pulling back the kitchen blinds and being pleasantly surprised to find your sexy neighbor sunbathing nude in the backyard!

You know you should turn away, but you just can’t help yourself. And when you finally do turn away, your right back for another look in a matter of minutes. Sometimes less! — As Homer would say — stupid sexy food!

What’s really disturbing, is I find the longer this goes on, the lazier I become? Oh sure, at first I kept busy with simple in-home fix-up jobs and small projects from the job-jar. After awhile though, the only ones left needed trips to the paint or lumber stores for supplies and isolation means these would have to wait.

In all honesty, I’ve never really been a handy man. Even the few birdhouses I’ve attempted to build over the years and even while carefully following instructions from the internet, didn’t turn out too well to say the least. Crooked, askew with gaps big enough to cause major flooding if the rain really came down. No right-minded bird would raise a family in one of my poorly built unstable slum shacks. — And not many did!

Well, my better half advises, you can always pick up your guitar, maybe write a new song? Or work on that novel you’ve been mostly ignoring lately? But I wasn’t buying any of that — I could see right through her “Keep the old grump busy and out of my hair” scheme.

Next thing you know she’ll be offering to teach me how to knit? YIKES!

Yet in the end, I found that idleness does lead to laziness? The less I would do, the less I wanted to do, and how crazy is that? In the end, and sadly, all I wanted to do was flip through the endless void of useless programming on my TV, check to see what delights may be waiting behind my fridge door — and check to see if my imagined sexy neighbor was still sun tanning nude in the backyard. — Stupid isolation Pandemic!

PERSPECTIVE

I guess we’ve all got our own negative isolation reactions to deal with. More and likely, none two the same? Makes you wonder how those living long-term in prison handle it. That would drive me crazy, I’d be coocoo for Cocoa Puffs in no time! Problem is, we may have to endure this torture for a while yet, maybe even longer. So we all better find ways of keeping our sanity until then.

My advice is to try and keep busy. Both your hands and your mind. Stay away from the fridge as best you can. And don’t let your bored imagination runaway from you…

Take it from me —There is no sexy nude neighbor in your backyard!

Although, I guess it wouldn’t really hurt — to check now and then?

 

STAY HOME AND STAY SAFE!
The Word of Wayne.

WordofWayne©

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Pandemic Isolation: Beware The Rise of The Grumpy Old Man

    1. Yup me too, pretty low to try and cash in during a pandemic. Just goes to show that in advertising nothing’s off limits any more. In the old days consumers would be appalled at these insensitive showings. But for whatever the reason, that’s not the case today. Thanks Harold!

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  1. Dead on, dude. My bungalow had pretty well become my hermitage after my wife died, but even hermits get “cabin fever.” At least before this damn virus I’d slip down County Road 9 to the local Roadkill Bar & Grille. But even that is off limits. So it’s just me (1970s vintage like you) and the cat going crazy together. I’m just a little over an hour’s drive from one of the biggest cities in the world, but even it is closed for the season — the Season of Covid. As for eating, I don’t go to the fridge so much as I do the liquor cabinet, where an array of gin, tequila, rum and whiskey bottles all demand my attention — and they get it. Rock on, Dude.

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    1. Good stuff Bill! They can close our favorite haunts, hell, close the whole city and make us stay at home. But what we do at home is still our own GDM business! At least so far that is?

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