With the virus lockdown now going on 4 months or so, I’ll admit, things are getting a little hairy. And that includes my appearance. With the Barbershops all closed I’m way past due for a trim. In fact, more of a good shearing is what I need now. And the old grey beard is getting pretty darn long too…
But my hair was never, what you’d call short. Though today, for an old retired musician, I keep it short enough. As well as my beard, nicely trimmed. That at least, before the pandemic lockdown. Today I look more like an old Biker than a kindly retired senior. Or perhaps an old panhandler way down on his luck. Better still — an insane asylum resident with a haircut phobia?
Either way, I must project quite a terrifying image? When I’m out for my daily walk, the children stare and point at me. And when their mothers finally take notice at what their kids are pointing at — they hurry them across to the other side of the street?
Even the old ladies I come across are “cane scurrying” in fear to avoid me. Jeez, slow down granny, your going to blow a support hose or something! Makes me want to jump up and down and rant lunatic nonsense at them while crazily musing up my hair like a giddy Ebenezer Scrooge who finds himself still alive on Christmas Morn.
I’d do it too, if’n I wasn’t afraid of giving the old biddies heart attacks. You know, ending their Bingo loving days prematurely and all. Still, seeing their reaction as I dance madly in front of them wild hair all a muss would be priceless!
Speaking of old ladies? Mine was sick at looking at my long unruly mane and decided to take things into her own hands one day. ‘Enough is enough” she said and sat me down on a chair out back on the patio while she ran in for the scissors. But when she came back out holding a large salad bowl — I high-tailed it out of there real quick! Never thought I’d say this but “Man do I miss my Barber!”
Now as I was saying earlier, the old grey beard is getting pretty long too. Now more a biker-beard it’s almost long enough that I could probably sit in with ZZ-Top for a gig or two. If’n they were still around. Hot Rods and Hot girls yes sireee! Then again, no-way I’m playing a fuzzy guitar. Just ain’t natural is all!
So now, as if my long unruly beard isn’t enough these days, my ever growing long grey hair is completing my “Out of work and Homeless” look. Grown past collar length back a month or two now. Almost as long as I wore it back in the 70’s when we thought we looked cool like that. Looked cool? Rebellious little hippie assholes is what we looked liked! Hey lets all grow our hair long like cousin It! Why? To stick it to the man of course!
Five Man Electrical Band – Signs
And the sign said
“Long-haired freaky people
Need not apply”
So I tucked my hair up under my hat
And I went in to ask him why
He said, “You look like a fine upstandin’ young man
I think you’ll do”
So I took off my hat and said, “Imagine that
Huh, me workin’ for you”
NOTE: The signs pop in and out fast so you may want to hover over the pause button so you have time to read them all. I’m just saying!
Now It’s not just that my hair’s grown long, but it’s grown out crazy. After a wash — I look like that old Sheep dog guarding his flock from Wild E Coyote on those old Looney Tune cartoons.
MEANWHILE BACK HOME…
“We need some groceries” she says. Okay I reply, but you’ll have to go — I just washed my hair!
Wait What? Isn’t that suppose to be her Line?
Man I wish this Lockdown would end!