Beauty Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder

A magnificent sunset, blazing hues of crimson, scarlet and yellow painting the horizon and reflecting upon still waters. Something all of us would agree — is beautiful! Yet when it comes to people, our definition of beautiful is not the same. We have our own opinions of who we think is good-looking, sexy or attractive and who may be to you, may not be to someone else! Making beauty, truly in the eyes of the beholder!

Love at first sight? Perhaps attracted-to at first-sight or in lust for at first sight would be more accurate. Love takes time to grow, but attraction happens much more quickly. The release of chemical-stimuli flooding our system, dilating our pupils and pitter-pattering our heart when encountering that special someone. Taking a mere 3 minutes for this process to begin so yes, the magic can happen almost at first-sight!

But it isn’t love — at least not yet!

Attraction can take place in mere minutes and with someone whom we’ve only seen from across the room.

Yet, as they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and your attraction may not be mine. Different strokes for different folks as they say, but why? What makes someone alluring to one individual and not the other?

Why do you find “him or her” attractive and your friend beside you — does not?

Since all this attraction stuff works on a subconscious level, amazingly we have little or no control over who we are attracted to. The release of “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin (attraction arousers) happens on their own and with or without our conscious consent!

Thus your attraction to a specific kind of mate — is pretty much written in stone!

Perhaps explaining why many of us seem to fall for the same kind of woman or man. When choosing a man, perhaps an allure to dominating males, as in “Bad Boys” or adversely, soft-spoken emotionally-needy “Momma Boys.” In women, maybe tendencies towards a more adventurous and flirty type rather than the traditionally looked upon, girl next door.

Still, the personalities of our past relationships are not chosen initially like appearance is. That’s because the first spark of attraction, comes from our eyes. The release of attraction-chemicals working their magic when spying someone we perceive as being — Our Type!

Our Type or our draw to someone, falls within personal and specific subconscious perimeters. Who we find attractive, sexy or alluring, a personal choice and one largely repeatable.

We seem to choose the same kind of look in a man or a woman. Over and over again!

In my early 20s and in-between relationships, my best friend and I were out on the town. Sitting together at a small table perusing the girls walking bye…

“She’s pretty” I’d say, watching a group of girls sauntering by. “Nah, she’s not your type Cork, keep looking.” “Hey what about the sexy one at the bar in the short red skirt?” “Not for you Cork” is all he’d say.

A few beers later, elbowing me in the side, he pointed out a girl standing with a group of other’s. “Now there you go Cork! Your kind of girl!” And strange as it seems —he was right!

Laughing, I asked him how he knew who I’d be attracted to and his answer made me think. ” I’ve known you since public school buddy, met all your girlfriends present and past and most of them have the same things in common — slim but curvy and big-breasted, with long dark hair and big dark eyes.

Its just your type of woman Cork, anyone paying attention would know!

Anyone paying attention would know. Anyone it seems, but me! But he had a point, looking back most of the girls I dated did fall within this category. So why was I not consciously aware in the choices I was making? And what else might be influencing my decision about who I found attractive?

Theories, on why and how appearance makes us choose who we do range far and wide. Perhaps better left in the hands of science and research. Still, even their conclusions can seem — chemically-induced!

Their explanation goes like this — We are naturally attracted to people who are similar to us and to those that in some way remind us of people we know and are comfortable with. Parents, friends, and loved ones for example. On the other hand we are less attracted to people significantly different than us.

Think of the married couples you know and how (in the beginning) they seemed to resemble each other in appearance. Not like twins or anything but with a few eerie similarities. The shape of their face, or perhaps the same strong or weak jawline. Even the way they smile or frown more similar to siblings than life-mates.

This look-alike attraction in us is no big surprise according to science! Explaining, we are most-comfortable with what we know and our own image is the most comforting thing we are used to. Thus, seeing a resemblance to ourselves is an attraction we see in others.

As a former captain of the Enterprise might say — Weird or What?

Now of course a resemblance to ourselves is not the be-all-end-all when it comes to who we think is attractive. Other factors come in to play. Our cultural upbringing (again those most comfortably like us) influence our choices as does the appearance of good health. Today, a fit youthful appearance dominates as more attractive, subconsciously registering as a person in good health.

Yet our perceptions of a body in good health today is more a sign of changing times and the influence of media and commercialism. Not so long ago, big well-rounded women were all the rage. So media portrayal of “tall dark and handsome” and “slim fit and sexy” go a long way in dictating current attractiveness standards.

In the end, it seems our attraction to others is largely instinctual and based on inherent chemical reactions. Add a large dose of standardized media influence and a subconscious list of comfortable resemblance and your uncontrolled attraction to someone is thus scientifically explained.

Conclusion verifying…

Beauty truly is — in the eyes of the beholder!

So, what do you think? Is attraction, be it sexual or romantic, preordained by force’s beyond our control? Are the initial sudden-sparks of attraction we feel more a subconscious response than a conscious one? And are you drawn by a specific type or a look that is personally alluring?

Infatuation at first sight! — Do you Believe?






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6 thoughts on “Beauty Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder

  1. Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder. As it naturally should be. This makes sure there’s someone/some thing for everyone out there. Diversity is maintained.

    Its hard to say if it can be controlled because I believe we do cement our minds with every thought and decision we make and that can be controlled but yet when it comes to the moment you preferences seem almost alien to you. However looking back you can know why they are the way they are…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep, human nature is strange all right! Attraction making sure there is someone for everyone yet one’s attraction not a guarantee of attraction in return? Or finding out our attraction to someone, was in the end — better left alone? YIKES!


        1. Exactly! Well-said! We are driven by primal instincts like all other animals on this planet. For humans, our primitive mating-ritual starts with attraction. Then lust and desire making room only thereafter for bonding, love and compatibility. Which are not guaranteed to occur because they become separated from sexual desire once sated. Finding both and unending, truly a mate worth holding on to!


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